On this exact day 1 year ago I was wasn’t ready, I wasn’t prepared, I wasn’t expecting what was about to happen. Preeclampsia; which for me meant Induction, which for me meant not on My plan of how I wanted this to go!
By now I think you’ve figured out I am a control freak! I want things my way right then, on schedule, no variations unless noted on paper with at least a 48 hour notice. Well child birth is far from that! As many times as I wrote out a birth plan, asked the doctor a hundred questions, toured the hospital, packed my bags, got the room ready… I still couldn’t control when my sweet baby would be here and I couldn’t control how the arrival would go either. So sit back relax and enjoy the longest story that I don’t think I’ve even been able to tell.
Woke up feeling like crap! I was swollen and achy which hadn’t happened the entire pregnancy. I was SICK A LOT! Vomited every day once a day for 30 straight weeks, but never sore or swollen! I knew something was wrong right then but I just let it go. I knew I had a doctors appointment that afternoon so I was going to wait until then. I got dressed and went to work, thankfully summer in ag is a little slower so I had an easy day.
The moment I headed to leave for the doctor it all felt different. I was nervous, which wasn’t normal. I called and asked my husband to go with me but he was super busy so I told him I would just let him know the update after I left the doctor but to make sure he had the car and bags ready just in case.
Got to the doctor and it turned into a whirlwind!
Nurse gets my weight and tells me I don’t look like I’m feeling well. Tell her something feels wrong and I just break out in tears! She takes my blood pressure, doesn’t say a word and runs out the door… *insert confused/terrified face here* Doctor runs in and starts yelling for my nurse to get me a bed at the delivery unit because we are having a baby.
No Dilation, No effaced, Nothing! But 1 word…
Apparently my blood pressure was 160ish/90ish and my swelling was one of the worse cases he had seen in a while which meant I was on the fast track to a hospital bed. He told me to get to my car and drive straight to get something to eat (I drove to BK and had about 2 bites, thanks for the advice Doc!) then straight to the hospital and check in at maternity! This was proabably one of the scariest demands I had ever heard! I was bawling! Think Kim K ugly cry times 100000! Call the hubby and can’t breathe, trying to tell him to get our shit and get to the hospital. I’m pretty sure all he heard was wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Poor guy!
Fast forward past checking in and waiting for a room…
Get an implant to help soften my uterus that has to stay in for 8 hours.
Toss and turn all night. Up and down to pee. Up and down to walk and re position.
Implant is removed and they figure out it did NOTHING. Not a damn thing but make me uncomfortable all night. Start me on Pitocin to try and induce labor that way.
Doc comes in and checks my cervix. Still NOTHING! Breaks my water!
Let me just tell you now that is the weirdest feeling I have EVER experienced! It was insane! The worst part is it isn’t a one and done thing. It’s a brake and keeps gushing crap out of your body for hours! At least 2 hours I felt like I was peeing all over my self and the bed.
Doc comes back in and stillllll NOTHING! He is starting to look a little more concerned but hasn’t actually said anything. At this point I’m still on pitocin but at an extremely high rate but he says to up it and give it a few more hours. Here come the tears again! I am a nervous wreck because I don’t want a C-Section and because I also still have had no pain meds. I was determined my entire pregnancy that I didn’t want any meds that I was going to take it all like a champ! And that all lasted until…
Nurse decides to change my contraction monitors. I was on external and she wanted to do the internals… which hurts like someone is stabbing you in the uterus with a burning knife! This entire time I had been watching the monitor screen which shows me all the other ladies on the floor and their contractions compared to mine. I was no where close to their level yet so I was thinking to my self that I’m not dealing with pain yet so don’t be a baby and to suck it up… Well that internal monitor went in and I watched my contractions shoot above theirs like a rocket and I started bawling again! At that point hubby told the nurse I was getting an epidural whether I wanted it or not, his demand. Which saved my ass in the long run, Thanks babe!
Epidural. Which doesn’t hurt near as bad as the internal monitors. Worse part was it got put in wrong so I could still feel everything on my left side… Feeling contractions on only one side of your body is way worse then feeling both. But… They fixed it pretty fast.
Doctor comes in for the final time and here is where I got the worst news I think I had ever heard… “You are maxed out on pitocin, your dilation hasn’t moved, so you are getting a C-section.” Cue MORE tears and more tears and more heart falling to my feet! At this point you feel like a failure! I felt as if I worked so hard to have the perfect dream birth and it was all gone! In my head I had the whole thing imagined as this: Hubby standing next to me holding my hand while I scream and push out our sweet baby. Why? Because this is what I grew up hearing. I didn’t know C-sections were even a thing until I was in my adult years. For almost my entire life I had been conditioned to think natural birth is the only way to have a baby and when I was told I would be fulfilling that idea I lost it! I kept apologizing to my husband, telling him I tried my best and I didn’t mean to let him down. (Note: He didn’t even care, he just wanted me safe and our sweet baby here and healthy.)
Then the best thing that could’ve happened at that moment did. We got a delivery; flowers, from Washington. (This is the first time I am crying typing this because it’s so vivid and they were so needed.) The only other one person I had wanted there through all of this was (aside from hubby) my best friend and due to distance she wasn’t able to make it but right when I needed her most, there she was! In the form of a basket of flowers and a flooding of prayers and I knew right then it was all going to be alright no matter how I had this baby.
Note: We didn’t allow people to be at the hospital with us. We have a HUGE family so we just told everyone no! We actually didn’t have visitors until 7/23/15 at 9:00am when my dad showed up and even once we started letting people come see us we were very exclusive on who was allowed! Call us crazy but we wanted our time with our baby before the world came in. May seem cruel or mean but I don’t regret it one single bit!
Hubby is suiting up in full gear to accompany me to surgery. I’m getting pumped full of meds and wheeled back to the surgery room. I’m laying there and hubby comes in, surgery has already started and I’m sick as a dog. Whatever they are doing between meds and muscle movement has made me sick. I’m puking and shaking like a leaf in a fall storm. Then just like magic here she is!
Our blue eyed, darked haired, sweet baby girl is here!! She is screaming, hubby and I are bawling and the world is standing still! At that very moment nothing else mattered. It didn’t matter that I didn’t have things the way I wanted. It didn’t matter that I was sick or shaking and couldn’t hold her till the meds wore off. All that mattered was that she was here and healthy and safe and so beautiful!
Fast forward to now:
We are doing party prep and I’ve done nothing but cry for the last week. I can’t believe it’s been a year! Time doesn’t wait for anyone and that takes a whole new meeting as a mother. Her life has changed mine and I wouldn’t want it any other way. She is so smart and perfect and looks just like her daddy. No matter how scary it has been and how much I don’t know what I am doing it is all still amazing. God blessed us with such a special gift and there aren’t enough ways to repay him for that!