Bye Felicia

Harboring anger or pain only hurts the one who keeps it close to their heart. -Katie Lirette:

Today’s quote brought to you by The Lion King. Not really because I’m sure that Rafiki never even thought about saying the quote above but I just love that damn monkey!

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“Asante sana Squash banana, Wiwi nugu Mi mi apana!”- Rafiki

Now that’s a direct quote! Not sure what it means but I love it! I mean, how can you go wrong with that kind of gibberish?!

Sorry, Side tracked like always… now days I blame “mom brain”… Trust me IT’S REAL!! Now back to the real point!

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Along with my newly discovered fitness journey I have been working on a mental one. I am learning to let go and move on! This has to be one of the hardest adventures I have ever endeavored. I am the person who STILL thinks about the stupid thing I said to the random person at Target 10 YEARS AGO! I fixate on dumb things and letting go is a for sure struggle.

Forgiving is another thing I need help with.

I HOLD GRUDGES! I don’t like it but I just do. I am still upset that Benny broke up with me in the 1st grade because he wasn’t allowed to have a girlfriend. I think to this day if I saw him I would bring up the fact that he “broke my heart” at age 7.

Jerk.

Recently, I have realized that all these little things are affecting my mental stability more than anyone else’s.  I think the word I am looking for here is “Toxic”. Not like that bomb-ass Britney Spears song in 2003 but more like BP polluting the ocean in 2010.  The people who have done me wrong over the years could care less that I was hurt and I still think about the stupid crap that happened. The person at Target probably didn’t even realize what I said, let alone how dumb it was. So why should I hold onto these things?

Answer: I shouldn’t!

Simple answer… tough execution.

So… here I am attempting to start fresh, for me. Not anyone else but, ME! Maybe, when I lay in bed at night I won’t be thinking about Benny or the Target person or any of the other 9845674865834720934734 stupid things that I have been holding on to and I can get sleep. Actual sleep. The kind that comes naturally within 30 mins of laying my head on the pillow, not the kind that is brought on by benedryl and tylenol pm.

How you may ask?

Writing has been the first outlet. I have started writing down all these little thoughts that come to mind as I think of them. Once I write them down they seem to be less relevant and I don’t seem to fixate on them anymore.

The larger more current issues?

I work them out. I don’t mean with the person, I mean when I workout I beat the hell out of those issues. Sounds weird I know but when I’m sweating my ass off on the elliptical and I start getting upset over the problems that seem so big I work harder. I get upset and I start running faster, I kick up the tension level, and I bust my ass and eventually the endorphins take over and the problems are gone.  Do they come back? Occasionally, but not until that same person or issue is brought to my attention again.

Which brings me to my next solution…

Get rid of those issue.

I am starting to become a big fan of letting people go. You know that one (or two or more) person that sucks you into all their drama, so all their problems become your problems?? You get worked up because their baby daddy did something with someone else’s baby mama and so and so is a piece of shit and you hate that unknown person that you never met because your friend hates them too?

Yeah, I’m done!

BYE FELICIA!

You my “friend” are cut from the program.

I am interrupting your current tv programming with an important message from our sponsors…

I DON’T NEED YOUR SHIT ANYMORE!

Didn’t get it yet??

No, okay.

I DON’T CARE!

My mental health can’t take your toxicity anymore and I’M DONE.

I have probably already cut out about 15 people. How many friends does that leave me with? Probably 5 if I’m lucky. Do I care? Not really. Used to I would have been distraught by the idea of people hating me but then I realized they are only mad at me because they aren’t happy with themselves. The toxic people in my life were dragging me down. I have started to surround myself with people who are uplifting, who motivate me to be a better person, who don’t have drama because they have similar goals in life. Drama free, mental stability, happiness, the list could go on with positive things!

Has it all worked?

Slowly but surely I feel my self thinking happier thoughts, I am off the Prozac, and I spend less time typing angry text messages.

Do I miss those people?

No. I thought I would but I was wrong. I am a lot happier and I feel like I’m starting to figure out who I am without all the bull clouding my mind.

This hasn’t been an overnight thing. It’s been going on for months now and I still struggle and I still have to try really hard some days but it’s a start.

❤ Tiffany